Garden State's Coolest

24 Years Ago......

2005-11-17T20:08:00.000-05:00

I was born on this day 24 years ago.
I would never think I will live to see another year
im deathly scared
out of fear.
one door closes.
another one opens.
I wonder what this upcoming year has in store for me.
new adventures/new stories to tell
a newfound sense of self
one step closer to my untimely demise.
but i am here.

yeah, i am here.
as you kinda figured it out, today is my birthday. yeah, your favorte Jersey Girl is gettin up there in years. been working and going to school, however, that has been taking up most of my time so you already know. I am not gonna stay around since I am going to relax and chill for this day until this weekend and thats when the party will begin.

till then, check you later.

love you bloggers.

I Was M.I.A. Eh?

2005-09-28T21:09:00.000-04:00

I finally decided it was time for a new look.... but it was not by choice:
see, what had happened was, I had a style called the quick weave in ma hair. but unfortunately, it tangled ma hair pretty fucking bad so I had to cut it into a new style. I may be posting the pics tomorrow if I have time on my hands and things of that nature.

Sorry for not keeping up with the everchanging blogsphere, unfortunately workin and school has been taking up most of ma time and being that ma comp crashed, I have to use the school's comps till I buy a new laptop altogether. Plus, ma moms is in the hospital and shit. I am getting worried cause I am not there to check up on ha since ha dude has to work and ma sister stays running the streets for what? For nothing.. I think I am getting a lil bit personal on ma blog. So I am going to keep in funky and stick to ma usual silly self. Besides, I don't feel like getting all sentimental and shit, sheesh, if not, I'll break down and cry......

NewsFlash:

Moms is out the hospital and doing quite well... considering that she got out today. I'm about to tend to her and make sure she straight.

Now on with the new pics and improved look....

I hope you likey. Up Close and Personal With The New Hair

Me styling with the Blazer and Matching Earrings... Color Coordination is Surely A Must.. Ya Dig?

I decided to take off the glasses and see how a pic would come out... not bad at all for a selfshot.

Now ya'll know that I am all for the grown and sexy look....

WTF was I lookin at? I don't know.. I think I was about to cough ma lungs out.

I need suggestions on how to stop coughing asap. I have been hacking for the past two weeks and I don't know how to stop this shit. Thing is I don't feel sick at all. HELP ME PLEASE.

Plus I have a confession. I have a thing for boyshorts and wifebeaters. I can't sleep without them on at night. I'd admit it, I don't have the best body in the world, but at bedtime, anything goes. I promise to show pics tomorrow after work.

Gotta Go....
See Ya When I See Ya.
P.S. Like I said, sorry for lack of updating and things of that nature. I promise when I get enough time, I will update more often.

Thoughts on Katrina/Ma Vacation

2005-09-08T19:38:00.000-04:00

I'm back.
Simple as that.
But you know I am going to have something to say about the recent tragedy of Hurricane Katrina. So here it goes:

Where was I when the hurricane hit? I think I was on my way home from Durham, NC via Amtrak. I didn't know that as I was on my way home, people in the Gulf Coast was being homeless, not by nature, but by Mother Nature. I know that it is mad late to write about it but I have probable reasons to why I am delaying ma entries... working and going to school are a bitch....anywho...i definitely feel for the people of Lousiana and the surrounding areas. And it does not help at all since it was my people, meaning(African Americans and other minorities) that have been tragically affected. Bush needs to get impeached asap and get the ecomony back in order.

on with the new pics from vacation.... I have been unofficially owned by this dude named Alex from Durham.....

This is ma nephew.. and noooo ya'll chickens can't have him. Ya'll have to go thru me, the Little Big Bad Auntie first.

Blunt Rolling 101.. I got a B+ I guess.

The "Bootylicious Mirror Shot" be4 we went out.

Now you know I have to show a couple of pics of my inspiration. She is the reason why I get up and grind everyday. Without further ado.. Mariah... ma babygirl... well she's nearly a teenager now. In this picture, I gave her a journal instead of clothes. I want her to write since I think she has the natural born talent with a pen and a pad, just like her auntie.

She's getting ha young Model on...

This is our form of communication... we got chirps...

Looks like I had a fantabulous time in Durham, NC. Ya'll come thru and they'll show you how them country dudes get down.

Next Blog catch up....look above.

Heavy Reflections Updated

2005-08-18T19:57:00.000-04:00

Generally Speaking:
Been busy wrapping up for the summer semester. Had ma final exam for psychology. I passed with a B-. The girl is finally free to do whatever I want until september 7th 05(the fall semester begins). What to do? Where to go? I don't know. I decided to go to NC to chill with da nephew and blaze a lot of L's. In fact, he does not know I am coming there. Only his friend Alex knows, but thats another issue within itself. I will be there for a week. I'll promise to bring pics for those who haven't been there.
*Update*
Tomorrow is ma trip to Durham, NC... I know that it will be a massively long bus ride via the Greyhound, but I did this before so it's nothing. I most definitely earned my vacation. As much ish as I have been thru this year, shit, I should move there, but not until I hang out with Miss Enigma.

Surprisingly:
♥ Papi ♥ sent me an email talking about what happened with me and him. But he is on vacation from work and I'm getting ready to wrap up class... talk about bad timing for him to email me and what not. Ya'll know I had all kinds of emotions running thru my poor little mind.... He knows that I am an emotional person and when he hit me up after class, thats all it took to get me going again. But it's cool though. Ya'll know I am a strong-willed chick. Hopefully, we can have a talk later and see if we can work on rebuilding the "situationship" that we once had. It's going to be very hard, but you can be stagnant if you hold grudges and feuds with people. Very hard.... But I'll get at him later on tonight....I'm getting all teary-eyed thinking about him.....
*Update*
Dude is back at work now. Papi and I had a semi long talk about everything over his vacation. As we speak, we are communicating more and acting more civil towards one another. Come to find out that we still love each other more than ever. I may go see him tomorrow since ma layover is in Downtown Baltimore. But knowing the two of us, we aint gonna want to leave each other when the time comes.

Happy News
I just found out ma dude Jeffie is graduating college in September. He is getting his associates in Associates in Computer Information Systems. I am so friqqin proud of him. We have been there for each other since the beginning of time. I knew him for nearly 2.5 years and to see him at this point, makes me inspired. People like that make me wanna work extra hard to get that degree and to kick down doors with steel timbs on. Shit, I am setting the tone in ma family for them to go to college and earn their degrees in spite of the negative hardships they have to face growing up. I want them to say "JerseyGirl(Given Name Inserted) did it, so I can do it as well." I know whats it's like to be in the hood and to have hardships come by. I can honestly say that I busted ma ass to get where I am at that point when that day comes.
*Update*
I am still proud of my friend, Jeff. We should be linking up together before our schedules get more hectic than ever. Tomorrow is my niece ♥ ♥Mariah's♥ ♥ 12th birthday. I brought her a journal so whenever she feels creative or needing to vent, she can turn to her "companion". I raised her from yay high and now she is maturing into the young lady she is becoming. I am extremely proud of her despite the hardships she had to face without her birth mother(which happens to be my sister)being in her life, in fact, she might as well be child.

Gotta Go, Gotta Leave

Freeing Yourself....

2005-08-03T20:30:00.000-04:00

It's over now. *Moment of Silence*
Things didn't work out for either one of us so we decided to go our seperate ways in help of a third person. It's hurting me right now, but this is something that has to be done for the moment. What doesn't kill me, makes me a stronger person as they say. At least that chapter in my life is officially closed and I can easily say that I am free. Free from the ties that we supposedly had in this "relationship". I guess I do believe in karma now. Currently I am blasting this song "Free" from Destiny's Child from their latest CD. I posted this song on hea before, at that time, it was juct cause I liked the song, but now it has a hidden meaning behind it and I can coincide with them pretty well. "you gon do you i'm gon do me...." mark them words. Real Talk. I am not bitter or anything, not by a longshot, but I'll just have to take that L, brush my shoulders off and try again(in the words of the late great Aaliyah).. Like I said, I'ma be alright you know how I do.

*Sang It Mariah.... I Gotta Sh-Shake It Off*

In other dramas, me and my mother was going at it last night. This is the last straw. I am completely tired of her shit. She calls herself trying to show face in front of her dude, so I spazzed out as usual. I think I am going to make that call to NC and see what kind of oppotunities they have down there becuase living in Jersey holds too much pain from my past and I can't be stagnated in my personal growth into a normal human being.

But I'm about to be out and do me for real. So can a sister get some words of reassurance.... cause I'ma need it for real.

P.S. New Pics of Me....

This is Me In My room Bored As Hell...

Experimenting With The Digicam Last Night

We was on the bus coming back from Garden State Mall in Paramus

We Was Wilding At The Food Court.... Our Lunch Was Good!!!

As We Speak....

2005-07-28T16:30:00.000-04:00

....I have been going thru life's withdrawals something terrible. Anyways, sorry for not posting and keeping up with the blogsphere. I have been massively busy with school (Summer Classes), trying to find work once again (the boss fucked up and hired everyone close to the end of the school year for the school runs) and dealing with Papi and our unspoken craziness of a what we call a relationship.... Speaking of relationships, a phat shoutout goes to Miss Enigma (a fellow Newark shorty) She bigged me up on her current post about love and random territories...

*sidebar* I need to come holla at you whenever I am in the Hood.. I'll let you know.

To finish off the relationship part, Papi and I decided to take a break for a min. I know it is hurting us right now, but this is for the best. Maybe it was the distance and the fact that there are some things that can't be satisfied in a relationship via long distance.... However, I am going to Baltimore next weekend to visit him plus go to the crabfest and I soooo can't wait until then!!!!! When I see him, I am going to eat his ass alive like a obese person at a buffet table!!! I have been missing him something terrible for damn near two months, not to mention that the sex game was off the hook for the first time. Hold up!!!!! Hold up!!!! Is this what love supossed to feel like after being hurt once by love? Thats a good question but very rhetorical as well. Over the weekend, we got into it about something petty and childish. I think it was about the fact that I am so self-conscious and somewhat insecure about us and this relationship. It's not my fault that I have these feeling since my past life and relationships molded me to feel this way. I am listening to the late great Luther "Promise Me" & it fits us for the current moment. I never thought that love would feel like this for real for real. Usually, I'm the love em and leave em type but now I am placed on the otherside of the field and it is not pretty, not at all. Now I know how it feels to be that other person and it is nothing nice. Real Talk, Bloggers!!!! Things will shape itself together in due time.

I can't wait til I graduate next year with my associates' degree in Human Services. I have so much plans that will be taking effect as of the day after graduation. Me and me girls are trying to see about moving to Baltimore to start over and get away from this treacherous ass state of New Jersey. Anyways, guess what? I am finally going to Portsmouth, Va to visit ma grandmoms, who I haven't seen since I was 16 years old. I soo can't wait for that either. I needs to be reunited with these fools. I am trying to do as much traveling as possible before I really get on my grind and handle my handle hardbody.

I don't wanna keep ya'lll long and besides, I feel myself catching a cold and I needs to be in bed... and I needs to be studying for my test tomorrow. So I am gone now....
__________________________________________________
I don't feel like blogging a new entry. How should I get ma hair done this weekend?

New Pic w/o the braids now... a.k.a. au naturale

This was taken at my peoples house while I was waiting for them to take me to school.

This is when I had ma braids in ma hair:

Life Is Too Short....

2005-07-05T14:26:00.000-04:00

The reason why I decided to name this next entry "Life Is Too Short" is because life is really too damn short for playing around and bullshitting. As we all know that Luther Vandross passed away on Friday, which was a complete shock to me. I was like "stop playing", "you lying" until I heard the news that night... My mouth dropped wide the hell open. I remember a lot of Luther Vandross songs, particularly "Superstar". For some reason, that song described me and papi's relationship to a tee. And on top of that, tomorrow, my best friend, Felice would have been 21, yes, the big 21. She died back in 2003 at the age of 19 from a heart issue called cardiac tamponade... I remember looking that up right after I came back from the cemetery to see her.... enough with the sad talk... I got more pictures I've taken... Wanna see?

This Is Me When I Was At Federal Hill Section Of Baltimore... that was the place when the first shot was fired in the revolutionary war. Papi took that picture. That came out nice as hell.

This is the view of the Harbor via Federal Hill. That was a beautiful shot that had to be taken. I must have a good eye for photography... let me find out.

I was calling myself playing around taking self potrtaits, but ended up capturing a mushy moment. Love shots wanted.

Another self portrait of us chillin at the Harbor doing what lovers do.... how cute

Back in the hotel room I was staying at, we was gettin blown something serious and after that, I was getting bliwn.. *wink*

The Styles P joint should have played while I was blowing down that Baltimore trees... Their trees was the truth that weekend.

Dayummmmm he looked some kinda sexy with his fitted to the front like an up north dude... and thats real talk. I had to take this picture.. sheesh, I had to.

This is the last picture I took at the Camden WaterFront

My boy Sha took this picture.. I was a bold chick that day.. since they are Philly-influenced, and I'm being a New York kinda girl, I was getting strange looks from the Camden people at their Puerto Rican Festival... But ya know... a chick didn't care though.
I Hope You Likes The Flicks.. Many more to come.

Baltimore Excursion

2005-06-22T19:30:00.000-04:00

Just came back from a three day, make that a four day excursion weekend in Baltimore with you know whom.. I have a couple of pictures I want to share:

This Is Us Kissing The Day I Was Leaving to go back to Jersey... Boy oh boy, you know a sister was some kind of sad that day. Boo hoo hoo... I was about to cry that day when I got my ass back on the Greyhound. I was not prepared to go back up top, not at all, but hey.. we have a to have our seperate lives you know. He's coming up hea in the middle of next month.. until then, we'll have to stay chirping off the hook ya know... A sister can't wait either.

At Federal Hill, I took a picture of me and the crab that has the state flag sculpted. There are different sites of the Harbor that has different crab statues. Since Maryland, mainly, Baltimore is known for their delicious crabs, and their different crab recpies.

Lastly, I was mad as hell the day I was leaving, but I had to put a phony smile on for him so he wont know that I was disappointed the day I was leaving. Bad enough I left my cheesecake and my on the road snacks in the hotel room, so you know I was pissed... Shit, I am a big fan of cheesecake and if you go to the INNER HARBOR, you have to go to The Cheesecake Factory. It is massively crowded, but it is worth it, trust me...

Lastly, I have to get the piece for the rest of my pictures I took via my Canon Powershot..
Tootles, Bloggers

Family/Friends:The Meaning Of...

2005-06-02T19:00:00.000-04:00

Intro:
Nowadays, family aint family anymore and friends are not as true to the game as they used to be when I was in my coming of age. To piggyback off of Retts's blog people are fending for themselves without no suport system. I should know first hand, due to my experience in this type of situation.

Family
Lately, I have been thinking about making that power move to Baltmore with Papi to start over and get my life together since there is nothing more of a reason to stay in Jersey. I have been going thru enough bullshit to last a lifetime.. theres nothing wrong with starting over and looking foward to a new day. As we speak, I am looking at jobs in Baltimore via Careerbuilder. Also, I have noticed, this place has much more opportunity unlike up top where you have to fight the competition just to get ahead in the New Jersey job market. So I'm thinking to myself.. "why not start over." However, I do have some unfinished business to handle before I can even move a step ahead. Seeing the rest of the family I am cool with and telling the remainder on how I felt about their actions before I go about my business. I love my family, but I unequivically despise their actions.

Friends:
I have very few friends, friends who inspire me to do better. I just recently celebrated my best friend Kim's graduation from
Bloomfield College with a B.A. in Psychology. She busted her ass to get that and I remember being there from day one.. mind you, we were flyy since high school. I remember the struggles of work, school and men altogether. Been there, donre that. The fam, friends and associates and I had a good time. We partied like it was 1999(ironically, it was the same year we all graduated high school)Me, Christina and Kim were reunited like we were younger all over again. I wish Retta(see the link up top) was there to see her do her thing. I have pictures though. Retta, even though she has kids... I'm their godmother and she was also there from day one as well. Shit, she was there for everything as well as Kim. We even lived together.Sheese, people tried to crush our friendship, but when the smoke cleared, we are even tighter... too bad she lives in Raleigh, North Carolina. I wanna see the kids(I want pics too)
This is my best friend at her graduation strutting w/ the cap and gown on:
Miss College Graduate:

Lastly
What does the meanings family and friends mean in your words? Opinions Wanted

Labor of Love...

2005-05-27T11:31:00.000-04:00

Ching Ching Jackpot, I think I am in love people(in the words of 50). Papi is the most sweetest person I have ever known. I hate doing this long distance relationship shit, but if its going to help us build stronger ties, so be it. We talk every night, before going, while I was there, and after I went to Baltimore to see him. Really, it felt too damn good just chillin with him and being in his presence alone speaks volumes. Last entry, I explained in brief detail on what he is about. This time, I am ready to get into it a lil bit more. He came at a time when I was worrying about a lot of shit. I know that it three months too quick to fall for someone, but a person can never control their feelings and impulses. Even though when I first met him, I was not looking for a relationship, because I was not ready to even walk down that path and put myself out there for heartbreak again. And on top of that, he has a son, which makes it even harder to go back to that route since I have been scorned by that situation once before. I don't have any doubt that he loves me, but I just have to be sure of myself and know what I am getting into once again.

Papi told me the other day over the wire that he doesn't like me out in Jersey with a lot of drama. So he is trying to look at townhouses or homes in the Belair-Edison area for us to live in when I get here. If he doesn't find anything good, I'll be put up in an apartment and he'll handle the rent and that leaves me to do the rest.

Entry Update:
I didn't mean to spazz out in the last entry, but I was steaming mad when I typed that entry out. Ever since that day, I called him to congratulat him on his wedding and I told him "I hope you have a good wedding and a good life; you have the number and you know the address, have a happy marriage, guess I'll talk to you some other time" and bowed out gracefully. However, when we first started, it was not, I repeat, NOT intentional to even get into a sexual relationship at all, let alone getting caught up. But you know shit happens, right. And we got caught out there and got emotionally attached. I know in the game, you cant do that... but shit happens....

Lastly, I found a part time gig as a bus attendant. I decided to swallow my pride and take the bullshit job. The reason why I took it is because it is up the street from my house and my school and I can easily get to it via two feet. But the catch is that I have to be there at six thirty in the morning. We take the children with special needs, or different classifications to their district schools and also take them home as well. I get off at 9:30AM and don't have to be back until 1:30PM and we don't officially get off until 4:30, so basically, it's like a full time job. I work with a bunch of broads and I am anti-social so I just sit back and observe people from a distance. People can be so phony, it is a shame.
....New Shameless Plug Added
Retta
Retta
Retta
Show Her Some Love People... Her Trials and Tribulations in North Carolina by the way of Irvington, NJ

A Break Is Given....

2005-05-16T19:20:00.000-04:00

I have a lot of updating to do and so little time.
Finally, I got my break!!! I had a good ass semester though. I came off with a 3.1 GPA in my major. Dayuuummmmmm, I did pretty good even though I was worried as all hell. Ya'll bloggers know what??? I busted my ass all semester and I feel grrrreeeaaaatttttt!!! Guess what? I met my new papi in April... my bad for not mentioning him and what not, but I have been so busy doing other things that I forgot to mention who he was... my bad. He is 29, lives in Baltimore with a son, but I met him when he was in Jersey visiting friends. We had such a good time just chillin at the Inner Harbor this past weekend until we got rained on.... We had a hot hotel suite and we was about to get it on until my Dreaded Monthly came.... you know I was mad right.... but thats okay though.....
This is Me and Him The Day I Left

Me and My DigiCam

I have more to tell... give me a second....

Part 2:
I recieved a note earlier today from Ja***, a dude I used to deal with off and on since 2003... Mind you we were former jumpoffs and things of that nature for a long time and what have you. Before that, we were friends before we decided to get into a sexually charged relationship. However, I havent seen or heard from him in 2 months! So here I am thinking it was all gravy..... I gets to reading that note; 1 minute later, I am literally scratching my head as I read this shit. He hits me with the bullshit talking about "girl u cant call nobody but its all good i am gettin married friday so i guess i will talk to you later 9** *** ****" That was his exact words!!!! Mind you every person on my friendslist from BP I know personally. So I responded back wilding on him and what not... Last time I checked, he was single with a daughter and now you about to get married all in a two month span. WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!! WHAT PART OF THE GAME IS THAT!!???!!!??? So I was like....NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who in the hell are you marrying...... NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! im about to call you right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"....In my words.. After that statement... I let his ass have it... I cursed him out something royally. I know I was dead wrong, but I'm not mad at all. Its the fact that you should have told me early in the game and in person at that. God forbid I would have called the cell to see whats good and if wifey flipped on me... then I would be caught up in some drama for what? I don't need that in my life at all. See, thats that bullshit!!!!.... Anyways.. its the principality. Now Bloggers, you think I was dead wrong for beasting on him? Or I had justifiable reason to? Opinions Wanted!!!

A Break Is Needed....

2005-04-21T21:03:00.000-04:00

Ay yo, Fellow Bloggers!!!
My bad for not keeping up with all the antics and funny ass blog stories. Unfortunaely, school and work has been keeping a sista mad occupied. You know how it is when the end of the semester is near... Papers, presentations, and phat temperatures in this good old city of Paterson, NJ!!!Thats all I have been doing lately. I need a vacation, badly!!!

2 more weeks to go until I am finished with this school shit and I am done... No summer courses!! I was beat as hell this semester. If I take summer classes, it'll be the end of me for real..

I'll tell you more tomorrow...

Neglecting The Blog

2005-04-01T21:35:00.000-05:00

I am apoloizing for temporarily neglecting on the blog and commenting on people. I have been mad busy with this school and job hunting ventures. So, I haven't been having time to blog on the regular. Too much school and a lot of pressure is on my hands

* I have to go to an ACOA Meeting for my presentation in Human Services 209
* I have 3 big reaearch papers that I am doing as we speak...(Comp II, HS-101, and HS-209)
* This job shit is taking a toll on me, mindwise
* The end of the semester is nearing and I am trying to get ready for the summer semester 1 and 2
* So I have a lot of shit on my plate.....
* Guess what? We have to lose an hour sleep, but it is a good thing cause summer's almost here, yay....

I may get a tad bit personal on my next blog. I don't know. I haven't found nothing too inspiring..

Peep game, I am about to crack a lil joke: True Story!!!
I went to the Welfare office today to take my resume to Human Resources, right!!! First, it was a long ass line around the damn building, but I forgot, it was the 1st of the month... the fiends and drunks were out in full force to collect their lil bit of loot to get high or get drunk with. So I was out there for 45 mins just to get in the door, JUST to go upstairs, mind you. So I gets there and I had to wait in the room with a bunch of stankin, dankin ass fools and fiends!! Straight madhouse all up in there. I thought Brooklyn Zoo was bad, but gotdayummm it made that shit look like a straight Catholic school.... I was stuck there for 3 hours on somebullshit.. I didn't leave from there until 11.45, damn near noon. So you know I was heated for reals....I leaves out and I had to make another appt for a job interview... Never again, I will go there and handle something if it is on the 1st of the month..... Remember the song......

Well I am not gunna stay long.. Gotta get changed so I can hit the bar and get my drink on.. ya heard.. I'll try to save ya'll a sip.

One Luv

Trust... What Does It Mean?

2005-03-22T16:36:00.000-05:00

What does the term "trust" mean??? Well, according to Merriam-Webster, the definition of the word is down below...there were a couple of definitions, but this is the true meaning....
Main Entry: trust
Pronunciation: 'tr&st
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, probably of Scandinavian origin; akin to Old Norse traust trust; akin to Old English trEowe faithful
a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
b : one in which confidence is placed

The reason why I decided to blog on the word trust is because of something I kinda realized when I was walking home last night. I had a crazed out train of thought and came to realize something I should have done a long time ago, learn how to trust myself and other people as well. Unfortunately, people have done shit to me in the past that made me not wanna trust them or people in general and also I have this fear of trust within me. For some reason, I don't know. I tend to feel that way at times...Am I wrong for feeling that way or not? Trust is not only a noun, or a verb, but it's an action that one can't take lightly. Once someone violates that word, that relationship is forever severed, never to be repaired ever again. Trust is something that is earned, not given. As for me, I never seem to find anyone, not even friends, family or significant others that deserves my trust. Am I wrong for feelin that way? Well, thats all I have to say right now.. New pix from the NYC car show coming next weekend... I Can't Wait

Feelings Of Inspiration...

2005-03-19T14:55:00.000-05:00

At first, I didn't find anything inspiring to blog about until last night. After I left school for Spring Break, I went home to chill for a bit. Wrong move, sweetie. I was thinking about all the things I went through in life and I realized, I have something to blog about. Honestly, I am not the one to share my stories, moreless my deeply personal ones, but I felt compelled to release this one.

Men:
Question?Why is it the vast majority of men nowadays, especially in the Tri-State are no good, sommma bitches??? Either they have "baby mothers who can't or will NOT let go" or other "problems" they can't seem to handle on their own. However, I think I expect a lot out of men since my pops(God rest his soul) did anything he could to make sure I had anything that I wanted or needed since the day I was born. I remember when I first fell in love with someone other than the other half of my DNA, he was this brown-skinned beautiful man who made me feel like I was the only woman that existed in his life, but little did I know, I would soon find out otherwise down the line. When I discovered his infidelity, that shit hit me like a ton of bricks because he hurt my fragile feelings and mind you I was 17 feeling I was going on 40. Bad enough, I was already succumbing to the pressures of high school senioritis/college prospecticus/running the family's store/juggling a full time job all in one year. I used to think he was my release at night when he used to come pick me up from work. I remember me giggling like a schoolgirl in heat whenever he came around to check on me. But...That was nearly 6 years ago... I am older now and I watch for the signs early in the game. I am not a sucker for love, but I have learned to respect the power of love as a legendary singer would croon back in the 80's....There have been others, but just that one person still has my heart and it bleeds everytime I see him, but I don't know.. that's stone cold love for you...

Flash foward.. late last night when I got home, I was bored. So, I wanted to chill with someone, so I was thinking about a certain person and I decided to text him asking him what was good. We got together and what not. So we was watching Banned From Television last night and mind you we was getting there since 2003, August to be exact. So he kissed me... I forgot how it good it felt to kiss him and it was all she wrote. It was like being in heaven once again. I remember I actually caught feelings for him in the beginning, but decided to fall back a bit since he has a child and the first love is the reason why I don't deal with people with children due to the emotional baggage they carry along with then when they get in relationships with other women...
I'm Refreshed

ThrowBack Pictures/Straight Hood Music

2005-03-15T20:30:00.000-05:00

I was at the Pizza Shop On Christopher St. at 5 something with Al(the best friend)

Straight Styling At 6 In The Morning In The Port Authority

What Can I Say, I Am Blessed.... *smh*

Straight Drunk As Hell

Standing At The Phone Booth

Trying To Get My Ghetto Model On Early, Neva Late

If Looks Can Kill... False Innocence

Way, Wayyyy Back....

Talk about Straight Throw Backs.... I Was Out In The Village Chillin Mad Hard Last Year... Clown Me Dammit.. I Was Drunk....Enjoy The Diplomats......

Get Crunkkkk Blogerrssssss

Oh Shit....Dammit Man

2005-03-14T19:57:00.000-05:00

What an entry title, right? I have a feeling that I bombed my test in sociology earlier tonight in class. Why, I don't know???? But I do have this feeling about it and it's not good at all. Honestly, I had a bad today for starters. As some of you know, I am in the process of looking for a job to finance my education and also my moving expenses as well. But shit is not getting any better for me at all. Remember the "job" I spoke about.... Kudos to those who showed me love on the last entry.... That was kind of rough for me to talk about considering I was pissed that night. Mna, listen, I am really considering giving this shit up, but I know I will be disappointed with myself and as you Bloggers know, my beef with the fam is legendary among legendary. Looks like I am still out in the jungle with this school and job shit. I have been applying myself a helluva lot, but I gets no results. What gives, people. Can I have some suggestions??? I have been looking in the Sunday Ads like crazy. Dammit man, I am nearly 24 & I have gray hairs on my head. Aint that some bullshit for you... to be in your mid-20's with gray hairs. What kind of shit is that, people? I think this stress shit is giving me an ulcer... speaking of that, I got gas and the test was not helping me at all.(LOL) I did study my butt off, I think the book wasn't registering in my head that day.

Guess what.... I cooked a big Sunday dinner yesterday. I kinda did it again, Sunday style. This was what I cooked: 3 big California steaks with Honey BBQ Sauce/yellow rice/green beans/mashed potatoes and tossed salad . Thats whats really good, homie!!!! Let me find out that these fools are gunna look for me to cook every Sunday after the Lasagna dinner I threw together 2 weeks ago. But nah... no more of Jersey Girl a.k.a. "The Black Julia Child(R.I.P) of The Hood's Cooking Specialties" I kinda like that name... "The Black Julia Child Of The Hood".

Why I had this dream that me and my brother was in a fucked up car wreck. Kinda foul to say that, but it is what it is. We was going out to dinner out here in Jersey and mind u, my brother lives in PA(I forgot what part, but I am assuming it is in Easton with the rest of the exteneded family) so we gets off the exit to go make a pit stop to see the kids and on comes a stolen car and hits us from behind, making the car steer out of control hitting a jughandle(those who live in Jersey know what that means)We made it out alive, but the thought alone scared the pure shit out of me. I woke up 4 in the morning, saying "WTF.... is going on" Is this a sign or something? I wanna know.

I am getting kinda hungry and as we speak, I am talking to Al.... this is a shorter convo, I promise this time. Matter of fact it is a long convo and it is semi-private... LOL

Im Gone.. Enjoy The Song... I Know I Do

Time Is Money

2005-03-11T17:01:00.000-05:00

Just felt like blogging today just to tell ya'll some REAL BULLSHIT that I went thru yesterday. I went to the job place that I mentioned the other day and shit, not knowing I was in for the suprise of my life. I thought I was gunna go there and work as a CSR, I was like "Yesss" I finally snagged a nice job, good location, near bus routes (since I don't drive) but come to find out it was a TELEMARKETING JOB! So I started to turn away, but I was like, NAH, let me stay for the day, maybe it is not that bad since it was a web design company and all. The longer I stayed there, the more I was stressed out. That whole day was the worse day of my life and it also reiterated why I WILL NOT EVER work in telemarketing. After I left the place, I decided to Google my search and come to find out that it was a scam. A FUCKING SCAM.... FUCK TELEMARKETING!!! I AM NOT BUILT FOR THIS SHIT!!!! I was hotter than a tea kettle. I learned my lesson, kids! "If It Is Too Good To Be True, It Probably Is". I realized that saying that is coincendentally the name of today's blog "Time Is Money" in my case, I don't have the time and the money to fuck around and be on some minor shit. I am not beat for the bullshit at all. For now on, I am gunna screen my want ads and do my research before I get to ANY job interview. However, looks like I am back out in the "Jungle" again. Oh well, oh well, oh well.

Onto other things....got some good ass baked ziti that moms made for me after a long "day" I had. I had 2 plates (lol). Let me find out she is trying to outdo me in the kitchen. Can't happen. Nuccas know I am that chick when it comes down to the kitchen skills!!!! Not to toot my own bullhorn or anything... Anyways, I might be heading to the Bricks(Newark) this weekend to host a party for my 3 year old nephew and my cuzzo's lil one as well. Hopefully, I can try and get pictures from the party and in general to see who I live my life on a day to day basis. A Photobiograhpy.... sounds interesting. I might take a lesson from KD, a cute frat dude.. What Up!!!!

I got me a "new" male best friend now. I decided to make Al my unofficial male best friend. Out of all the dudes I know and commmunicate on the regular basis, it seems like Al is the most I communicate with wheter itis AIM or the phone or if he drives all the way up from Piscataway just to hang out with me. I remember he brought me something or my birthday. I think it was a GUESS?
shirt and a jacket to match. That shit shocked the hell outta me. Wub U for that.....

I am about ready to get out of the game and get ready to settle. now that I am looking at it, its like there's nothing wrong with the game, but you tend to get tired of it once you have played both sides of the field. I recently written something, but I have to revise it in order for me to post it on here. But anyways, I am gunning for a turkey and cheese and I am getting quite hungry....

Tootles, Fools

Remembering... Biggie

2005-03-09T21:18:00.000-05:00

As you all know that today is the day that the Great Biggie Smalls was killed in the otherside of the country. All throughout The NY Market, we have been bumpin nothing but Biggie joints throughout the day. As you know that The Game and Fiddy was, may I stress that, WAS beefing but how ironic is this, they want to squash the beef on this particular day. For what? I think that all of that was a publicity stunt and what not. What ya'll think?

Guess what? I got the job... I start training for the last 2 days or the week and if they like what they hear, it is all she wrote. I have a lot to do and I have to see about this apartment that is in a good part of town.

Gotta Go, See U When I See U...
Jersey Girl

P.S. My bad for the long ass entry last time, but she was in a quagmire....(wub u Neenie)

Happy Monday, People!!!

2005-03-07T21:12:00.000-05:00

Weekend Update
I had a crazed out weekend. Cooked my ass off. I made some killer Lasagna/Tossed Salad with Robust Italian Dressing. Let me find out I was the black Julia Child yesterday. I went to get me a plate, these greedy folks killed the whole pan. I didnt even get a BIG piece, since I cooked the shit, I am entitled to get the BIGGEST piece in the house, but nooo, the asshole(moms "significant other") got that instead. I was some kind of pissed for reals. I tried to save food and money, but I forgot that I lived with a bunch of "greedy fools" Go figure.

Job Prospeticus
I have an interview tomorrow with this web design as a CSR. Pray that I get the job, for reals. I need to get my ass out of there before I fuck around and choke somebody ass the fuck out. Sound angry? I have right to be!!!(See the aforementioned paragraph above)lol.. let me stop acting like the angry black woman. LOL All jokes aside, pray for me, people. Cause I am gunna need it.

Misc
I got some last night *blush* Let's just say that he did his job. That shit was the truth like Beanie Sigel. Cop that Goapele CD That shit will get your bedroom jumping by all means. Take it from me(Track #1 is the hottest)I aint gunna lie, he was good enough to get some, but me in a relationship, thats out of the question.... lol
As we speak, I am IM'ing my lil sister, Neenie(I know you're gunna read this, wub you!!! LOL). She has a slight quagmire in the relationship department. Her and her man are going thru some things.. Thats the bad thing about relationships, constant infighting and non communication, well on my part yeah. The good thing is that you have that one person who is by your side reguardless. This was the convo:

Her:sorry i was writing something and i sent it to u
Me: oh wow
Me:how was ur day
Her:im so annoyed wit so much shit rite no it's not even funny
Me:what happened
Her:first malik got on my nerves this morning because i was trying to get him to understand how it feels when i dont want to do it when he wants to
Her:yesterday we were going at it and when were finished wit round 2 and i was ready for round 3 and he didnt want to go anymore
Her:i kept asking him why and he was like im tired but i didn't let up i jus was about to keep going when i stopped
Me:damn, looks like the lovebird stage is over
Her:i had hoped that he would finally get how i felt but no he still didn't
Me: damn
Her: when i told him now he should know how it feels he goes like well i wont ask you for nothing no more and he hangs up the phone on me
Her: so i was pissed at him all day
Me:whao
Me: *whoa
Her:when he finally calls me at work i explained to him what i told him before about me going through a lot in jus one day and that im tired by the time i come home and dont always be in the mood to do stuff
Her: he finally got it decided to stop being so fucking stubboen
Me: so he wants to hang out... but mind you you have a seed to tend to
Her: no not hang out
Her:he wants to get it in
Her:he loves yaya
Her:always take her with us
Me:ohhhhh... thats what itis
Me:*was
Her:he plays wit her feeds her they have fun together
Me: awww, its official.... he has to understand you get tired sometimes
Her:he listened when i told him today
Her:i gave him the run down on my day compared to his
Me:damn.... so he sympathises now
Her: my regular week day is so much more complicated then his
Me:damn
Her:and he had to realize that
Me: at least he knows now
Her:so now he understands at least i think he does how i jus don't feel like doing certain things
Me:true
Me:he has no choice but to sympathize with you
Her:yup
Me:thats whats up
Her:brb
Me:k
Her:bak
Me:true
Her:and i was mad at him because he said that if he would have stayed home yesterday he would of had pizza and i said well why'd u come out the fucking house then,,he goes i be bored as hell tha's why im always around my brother all the time and i m wit u...i felt mad az hell because he made me feel like he's only wit me for convience and to get out of the house
Me:damn, ya'll beefing something serious
Her:i know
Her:but i think i took it the wrong way
Me:ya'll need to communicate.. ya'll know that it is a must in relationships
Her:i know that wut he said that i need to talk to him more
Her:but i still dont know how to'
Me:tell him how you feel
Her:that was my problem wit yaya daddy
Me:damn
Me:please dont repeat the cycle
Me:guess what
Her:my thing is that i thin kabout how a person might act if i do say how i feel
Her:u found someone who's worth talking to and fuckin
PanthaGyrl: lol
Me:damn you Neenie.
Me:lol
Her:i lov u 2
Me:something like that, but he's a friend from years ago
Me:i know
Me: anyways, you can care about the other person's reactions, but you know you
Me: and I am coming to Newark this weekend
Her:i know i was starting to feel maybe im the reason why my relationships didn't last long
Me: why
Her:communication on my pary
Her:*part
Me: ohhh so you don
Me: *don't talk to ppl as much as you should
Her:but im progressin a lil wit malik
Her:only my bfs
Her:anyone else im good
Me: you good, sweetie
Her:even this nigga ova here where i live
Me: for me, I am not built for relationshipd so.... aint nothing
Me: is he cute
Me: lol
HEr:i can talk to him like we been cool since we were young
Her:hellz yea
Her:he got this soft spoken voice and he's smart funny and he really gets me and i him
Me: ask him from a man's perspective
Me: awwww
Me: but what about Malik
Her:he even told me that if wasn't wit dude he would have wifed me up by now
Me: ohhh shit
Her:m***** is my stink
Her i love the shit out of him
Me: awww go n*****
Me: man listen now you got me evaluating relationships now
Her:its jus certain thinks that involve him bother me
Her:lol
Her u gotta do something in ur spare time
Me: besides school and working, thats enough
Her:yea
Me: and hitting them books.. to answer your question... I dont know about this fool I got in mind
Her:uh oh
Me: why
Her:why u changing ur thoughts bout him
Me: hot got a seed, but the killer is that I know his BM. She is not in his life and pregnant with a second child
Me: this fool got his own shit
Me: not the living in the basement in mama's home thing, but a 2 bedroom apt for him and his son
Her:is the first and second child his
Me: no
Me: his son is 6
Me: i seen him when he was little
Her oh
Me: this shit is killin me
Her:dont stress urself ova stupid shit
Me: im not, trust me
Me: aint no nigga with it
Me: *worth
Her:nope
Me: not that serious
Me: I learned my lesson with the first love who has a kid and played me for the BM
Her:uh oh
Me: what the deal
Her:nothing
Her:jus listening to u
Me: oh
Me: how was ur weekend
Her:alrite besides being mad at him for being an jerk
Me: damn
Her:he really doesn't understand what it feels like to be me
Her its really hard
Her im 2 caring
Me: how harsh.... as for me, I was chillin. cooked a medium pan of lasagna yesterday.. these greedy fools ate my shit. you have to be like me sometimes(a real prick)
Her:yup
Her:bitch
Me: ouch, I didnt say that
Her:i still love ya
Her:i like being a bitch sometimes
Me: feels good to be a bitch once in a while
Her:yup
Me: hold on mama
Her:k
Me: im back
Her k
Me: I was working on my blog
Her:o
Me: you wanna see it
Her course
Me:i think u can identify with the song
Me:http://chocolatenjgirl.blogspot.com(shameless plug)
Me:http://chocolatenjgirl.blogspot.com (shamless plug)
Her:the tax guy was trying to kick it to u
Her:lol
Me:lol
Me:funny
Her:i would have went
Her:get ya grub on
Me: ima call him
Me: girl I am writing a new entry
Me: hold
Her:lol
Me:back
Her:yup
Me:i am adding the finishing touches to it
Her:im go clean off my bed so i can go lay in it
Me:k
her:talk to u lata
Me:k

long ass convo, huh!!!!

Question Of The Moment
I haven't done this is a while.... so let me get right into it.
Why Do People Play Games???
Thats the question that has been racking my brain since I first discovered relationships in my younger years. As we speak, I am listening to Miss Enigma's Radio Blog it is playing my favorite Anita Baker cut, "Angel". That was the shit. I was thinking about the few relationships I have went through with people. With the first love he played games which caused me to have a broken heart and an insecurity issue with people with children. The second relationship, I was just not attracted to him, but at least I was straight up with him. Now he has a fiancee and they live together. My girlfriend heard them argue one day while they were talking. I was like "little did she know that this fool sent me an email talking about he still wanted some on "Valentines Day.." I had to laugh at this fool ass negro.
As we speak, I am listening to Sanatana's "Game Of Love" I am digging that song for reals. My radioblog is kinda eclectic. I am satisfied with the results.

Lastly, I am quite hungry and I am tired of typing/cutting and pasting. I am about to get @ my jump-off and see whats good with him for the night....
Tootles
Jersey Girl Is Out Of Here!!!!

Thank God It's Friday

2005-03-04T14:44:00.000-05:00

Update:
My bad for my lack of writing. All this week, I was hitting the books mad hard all last weekend and this whole week. Guess what? I finally got a chance to hit the salon and get my wig tightened. Thats what it is, son. If I had my digi cam, I'll take the picture and show you what it looks like, but yo, that shit is tight to death. Anywho, how was your week going?

School:
It's going great. I got a 98 on my HS-209 test. Got my results yesterday. I think I might be pushing out an A for the semester. Hopefully. These classes are easy so far, but more than likely I am gunna be pushed to the max when it comes time for me to get ready to graduate. So I am doing good.

Love Life, Or Lack Therof:
Man, listen. I am not beat for this bullshit. I goes to do my taxes earlier today and the federal accountant dude was making passes at me. I found this shit pretty funny. This fool even invited me to dnner and a movie, which is good money since more than likely, he is treating. I think he is about 40 something... Man listen. I was cracking up earlier when I was running errands.

Funny Shit:
I seen this old ass rican broad earlier in downtown Paterson. This bitch was walking around in the cold with a short ass leather coat, mind you, this bitch had NOTHING ELSE on!!! I couldn't help but look, she was in front of me so I was blinded my cellulite and the cold!!! While she was walking, the whole crowd literally turned their heads to catch a glimpse. Let me find out she was tricking in broad daylight. The things that people do for the love of the Almighty Dollar!!! LMAO

Weekend Plans
Thats a good thing to think about. More than likely, I am gunna cook homeboy some Lasagna/Garlic Bread/Caesar's Salad with some white wine. Thats a good look, in Usher's exact words... Should I Do It... (Gabi.... This is where you come in and give a sister some pointers...lol)

Misc
Just wanna give a plug to the black online bloggers club... See Gabi for the link...

Love Always
Jersey Girl

Busy As All Hell

2005-02-28T15:46:00.000-05:00

As we speak, it is massively bad out there. It is snowing and what not. I wanted to get some work done @ school since my comp crashed at home but since school was cancelled, I can't do it so I am at the library getting work done. Damn computer glitches...

Come to find out that my friend is feeling better. I am tempted to go see him, but first I want to get right(get the wig done)and see what he likes so I can make it up to him just off GP... I may check him this weekend. I dont know. We have yet to talk about whats good with this weekend....

This is gunna be a short blog for today.. cause I have things to do and what not. But I am gunna K.I.M now.

I am about to go play in the snow now. wanna join me?

Theme Song...

2005-02-24T16:11:00.000-05:00

New Theme Song:
Tweet "Turn Da Lights Off"
I was always feeling this song. This is better than the last theme song I had. This better suits me anyways. This song speaks to me. Remember the "Polka Dot Dude" Kwame? He is the producer behind the song and he also produced that damn summer anthem "On Fire" by Lloyd Banks. This shit is straight fire for reals. Do ya'll like the song? Yes or No??

Thoughts:
Aint that some bullshit.. It is supposed to be snowing later on tonight. I hope it doesn't so I can hang out. I am not beat for staying in the house. Right now I am at school since my comp is busted at home but I have class anyways... No good news today, except that one of my classes is cancelled.... yay for me. I can call Al later on and see whats hood with him. But damn, he gotta come from Piscataway just to see me, but thats cool. However, I miss my kittie, Luminee, but I called her Lumi for short. Linda, who is my mother's man's niece took the cat after I had gotten emotionally attached to her. Now I know what it feels like to have something that held dear to you taken away. That was an awful feeling.

This Weekend:
I may be going to Willy P.(William Paterson University)to chill with my homie, Santana tomorrow night after I get from my interview with Macys in Preakness. Saturday, thats a good question. I have to find out whats good with my other peoples. Sunday, I don't know about that either. I may sit in the house and indulge in a good book or my studies, since I am on Academic Probation and all and cannot afford to fuck up. I may have to see how much this store is charging for a pair of uptowns(Air Force Ones) in my size. I think they cost 65 for a size 4.5 but I can talk them down to 55.... if I play my cards right.

Miscellaneous:
Thanks to those who answered my posts via Gabi's site. But I don't wanna make my shit all long and what not. I am off this shit.

You Can Turn The Lights Off Now

A Feeling of Euphoria(Part 2)LMAO

2005-02-22T21:32:00.000-05:00

I Get High, High, High/Update:
Let me find out all I did was smoke all weekend. But it was worth chillin with my peoples that I have a long history with. All we did was smoke, drink, laughed our asses off(from comedy flicks) and spent the weekend together. I loved it. I can't wait till we do it again, and again.....Ay yo, peep this; "he said that I game him a cold when I kissed him and I don't remember me coughin up a storm" I aint never heard some shit like that before in my life. We was laughin while riding in smoke. I wonder how long does weed stay in a person's system. I indulged in massive bags and blunts and bottles of Henny, Hpnotiq and Alize. However, thats gunna always be my peoples for life no matter what. Aint nothing going on like that at all. He has a son and the killer is that I know his babymama at that. We all went to school together. He is a year and some change older than me; plus we used to live on the same block together for 2.5 years, but he emailed, more like IM'ed me and was like I know you... I was like huh... so we got the talking and come to find out it was him. This weekend was crazy> I wanted to cook for him on the strength, but he gotta get more stuff in the kitchen in order for me to get down in the kitchen. This the kicker; he has his OWN shit, not living in his mother's basement(God bless the deceased)and a beautiful son as well. I know his BM(babymoms), she cool with me. I haven't seen her in a long time. She had the baby last time I saw them. I think he was 2 then, but now he's 6. My, my my, kids grow up so fast.

Question Of The Day
What should I make for him the next time we chill?
I need some advice or more like ideas on what to cook for a friend, just because... on GP(general purpose)I think I might make him some steak with onions/yellow rice/baked potatoes. That sounds good.... Imagine coming home from work to a cooked dinner made by a friend with no emotional attachments, thats whats really hood. And besides, I have to make it up to him since he said I got him sick after I kissed him, shit I was drunk as all hell. *smh*

Love Life:
*SMH* I have an active sex life. I am not gunna lie and be like "I Don't Get Down For My Crown" Shieeeeet, I do, but it depends if I like this person and what not. If I am digging duke, thats all she wrote!!!! *SMH* let me find out I was feeling some type of way that weekend, but you know a sister had needs that night> I had plans on getting at him, but I wanted to catch him on some vulnerable moment type shit when he least expected it. We'll have to wait and see next go round....*smh*

Job Prospecticus:
This job hunting shit is working my last nerve that I have in my body. I can't seem to get the right gig and what not Do I have to resort to the mall? Oh please say no!!!! Pretty Please!!!! I am not a people person at all. I usually like to work by myself. I can't help it, I tend to be a loner at times.. Matter of fact, all the time.. When I am in my house I am in my room most of the time. I have a job interview this Friday at Macy's in Preakness. I hope I get this job so I can hurry up and get my own shit so I can fall back AWAY from these freaks I call my flesh and blood.

All and All, I Am The Ghost....Flow With Me

ChocolateNJGirl Is Off The Radar.

A Feeling Of Euphoria (LMAO)

2005-02-18T12:27:00.000-05:00

Didn't have a chance to blog yesterday. I had a lot of stuff to do and what not. Guess what? I got a 100 on my qiuz on my HS-209 (Drugs, Society & Human Behavior) Thats what the fuck I am talking about. I know I seem like an overachiever, but I cant help it. I am on AP(Academic Probation) I was stressed out during the last semester. I wasn't too focused & I couldn't help it. I was going thru a lot at the time. I started to drop my classes, but I chose to stick it out though. I would rather be on top of my game than to be all fucked up in the game.

As we speak, I am at my homie, Boobie's house... I am not gunna lie. We was smoking our butts off, watching Friday(the 1st one) and we(more like I was) semi-drunk. My tolerance level for weed & alcohol is somewhat moderate, but I was drinking before we went to chill, so I was already feeling it from the door. I am not gunna lie, I was high as a kite. Let me find out that skatie 80 was massively serious last night. Shit was crazy. I haven't seen him a long time, so I wanted to chill. This fool said I snored. Not my fault I am still getting over a cold. Aint nothing though. Let me find out I am somewhat contradicting myself. I call myself trying to become a human services worker and here I am hitting the 2 b's(a bottle & a blunt)LMAO I found that shit funny as all hell. Let me find out.

Tonight, I may hang out with Al, but I don't know. I have to call him in a lil while. Ima see whats good with him and what not. I love the single life for reals..... No man, no kids and all that good shit. I have to get it cracking and see whats good with my peoples.

I am gunna keep it moving and jump in the shower

Gone

I Am Gunna Scream.... Arghhhhhhh

2005-02-16T19:58:00.000-05:00

Intro:
The weather was exceptional today.. It was mad nice out, then it started pouring like at 2 something in the afternoon while I was at the busstop waiting for the 190.
Got my mane all wet and knotty and what not. I swear it better be worth it by the end of the week. All this grinding I have been doing massively, this better pay off expeditously. I have a new thing called question of the day... The Debut:"When was the first time you fell in love with someone?"

College Life:
I just recovered from 2 exams I had on 2 sittings.... I was massively late to one of them(*exactly 10 mins before the class was over) and I finished the questionnaire, and I was almost finished with my essay questions, but noooo, time was up and I know I failed, but then again, I hope I passed.... I had my human services test tonight as well. I scored an 88, a fucking 88. I want my 100. I worked my butt off on the terminology. Aint nobody perfect, but damn... I feel like a failure *sniff sniff*

Job Prospectiucs:
I had an interview with this hotel today for a front desk clerk and I was massively late gettin there. I HATE NJTRANSIT. They suck ass.... These buses were running massively slow and what not. I hate them, but I'll live. Hopefully, I get the job. I'll have to wait until Friday, if she places that call to me.. I am gunna scream for JOY!!!! I have to find out whats good with the rest of the job market since things are starting to look up for me as far as the prospects are concerned.

All-Night Long/Day:
I was up studying all night with a mean head cold and damn near pulled an all nighter. I should have done that, but I really would have been paying the price worser than I am doing now, cold and all. At least I did wake up to some bacon, scrambled cheese eggs and pancakes. Moms cooked when I was sleeping. I think that she knows that I am stressing to the max, or trying to make it up for eating my lunch the other day. You know that I am hood, so I wanted my jelly & butter to go with my pancakes and when I went to look, there was no more... Str8 killed my breakfast altogether. You know a sister was tighter than a virgin, right. Anyways....I am getting over my cold... thanks for the love, Gabi. I am getting better and better by the day..... *claps hands*

Love:
Why I have this feeling that I am being played or taken for a fool. Last night, I had a dream about old boy.I couldn't even sleep at all. For some strange reason, he was on my mind and my right ear was ringing like it was the phone line, so he must was thinking about me. I want to feel him out, but the distance between us is too great and LD relationships are not my cup of tea at all. IT NEVER WORKS OUT!!!! Ever since that day, it feels like he is trying to play me, but that's okay.. I can fuck em and leave em... However, I dont want to do that. This man has potential to tame my wild behind. We'll have to see.... Maybe One Day
Anyways, to careen off the subject for a minute....

The Question Of The Day
When was the first time ya'll ever fell in love with somebody?
I remember the 1st time I was in love. (hint:He looks like Killa Cam in person, just the slimmer version with twists that are probably dreads) He literally broke my heart to the point that I will never love again. The killer was that it was damn near 6 years ago, but you will never forget your first love and your first sexual experience, kiss and all that good shit.(that rhymed.. I am a such a wordsmith)When I met him, he was sooo fine, I could scream. He was tall(I'm 5ft, so go figure)brown skinned, and with deep waves. When I saw him at my store, I was doing homework and he asked me "where was the bathroom?" I was diggin his sneakers and I asked him about them. We talked and talked until it was time to leave the store. The next day he came back, I was running the register. He was like "what time do you get off so I can take you to get a bite to eat?" We chilled and chilled that night and never left each other's side.... fast foward to prom time... May '99, that was the first time I EVER said "I love you" to a dude and meant every word, letter and syllable with every bone in my 5ft body. He said it back, and it was on and poppin from there. Shit was sweet until I went to tell him the good news about something "personal" and his babymama answered the door(he had his own apartment when he was 18, he's 24 now) I knew he had a babymama from day 1, but I thought she was not in his life until I caught him in bed sleeping.(I happened to take a peek while she was at the door)I could have went ballistic, but I was 18 at the time and I was an adult by then. I'm better than that, you know. I went back to my homegirl's house and it seeped in and I went into a fit of rage. I was gunna kick down that door and whoop some ass in that house. I was straight wilding in the middle of Bergen and Lyons Ave in Newark(Go Brick City!!!)they put me on the bus and sent me home. I was sulking and sulking the whole 2 hr ride to Orange via Transit. He tired to see me after a week talking about it was not like that, but I cursed his ass out for real. I am not gunna front, I still love his ass, but I can never get back with him or reconsider a man with children...(Gabi, did I clarify that question for you??? Now you see why I asked that question)

Miscellaneous
Still doing research on the "Down Low Phenomenon" What makes a man sleep with another man.. I know I shouldn't be posting this being that I am bisexual and all, but I don't know. I never quite grasped that concept.
I'll Squalla, Dirtbags

ChocolateNJGirl Is Finally "Cleansed" Her Mind, Body and Soul For The Day

Sniff Sniff Ahh Eeee Achooooooo

2005-02-15T15:36:00.000-05:00

Aint this some bullshit!!!!????? I was up last night with a mean case of the sneezes and a stuffy nose on top of me studying my butt off. Damn weather!!!!Damn to Mother Nature!!!! Not to mention, I had to walk home in the pouring rain last night. *grrrr* I had no money and besides, my bank account is on freeze mode to begin with. Unfortunately, I can't find my ATM card anywhere, so I have to give Wachovia a call to let them suspend my account until I find it. Crazy, isnt it...The weather outside is some kind of wonderful. However, I don't trust it though. This must be a teaser for what Spring has to offer and I can't wait

I have class later on in Comp 2, which I kinda dread, but I need it, so I am gunna deal with it until the end of the semester. I have to finish my research notes on my topic aforementioned in my 1st entry.... In case, you didn't read it, I am doing a research paper on the down low trend that is happening in America, especially in the minorities' communities. That'll be a hot topic for the class to read about, especially the professor. *smh*

Thank you to everybody that posted coments here. Thea, Gabrielle... so far and there is more to come... but I have to be on out and what not...

P.S. I didn't forget about the controversial questions...
(a)The Down Low Trend. What Do You Think About It... This question especially goes to the sisters and our minority counterparts. Our "Caucasian" sisters can get in on this as well.
(b) People with children. Would you deal with them or would you not? Why or why not? This goes for everybody.

My interview... that went shot to hell. They cancelled it the day before. Aint that some bullshit.

St Valentines Day.....LMAO

2005-02-14T14:38:00.000-05:00

2/14/05: Ya'll know what day it is today, right? I was on my was to school and I seen people selling Valentines Day paraphenalia. I personally do not believe in this "superficial" day. Like I stated in my last entry, I feel as though that it is another weekday. In my opinion, a person does not need to take one day out of 365 days to tell someone you love them. That should be told to them regardless of what Holiday it is or what day it is. Nah, I am not bitter, not by a longshot. I am entitled to my own opinion, right? The weather is looking some kind of nasty out there. Raining and shit.

The Blob: I am almost off that shit. FINALLY!!!!!!! One More Day

Life: I got an email from my homegirl, Neenie... I may pay her and Ya-Ya a visit and I'll think about seeing Ty since he lives a hop, skip & a jump from her. I miss her and the baby. Plus I miss my god-brother, Lee-Lee. I have class in a lil while. I have a job interview tomorrow morning. I have to put the gameface on for reals. I cooked a big ass dinner last night. I actually cooked "Sunday Dinner" It consisted of Turkey Wings in Honey Garlic BBQ Sauce, Collard Greens, Baked Mac and Cheese and Cornbread.. Since I am from the hood, I had to add the kool-aid touch. I wen't to get up this morning and get me some food to take on the go, and these greedy assholes in my house ate my bowl of food. I am mad as all hell. I had plans to take that food for lunch. Greedy Ass Mofos.... I can't wait till I get my apartment so I don't have to be bothered with these fools eating up all my food. My mouth was watering for them too... Goddamn greedy ass black folk.

School: School is doing hella fine. So far, I am doing kinda average in my classes compared to last semester when I was not focused at all. Now, I know what I want.... I have papers out the ass due at the end of the semester. I have a couple of graduations to attend in May. My homegirl Latrice(PCCC, AA in Early Childhood Education) and my best friend Kim(Bloomfield College, BA in Psychology) I won't be graduating until next year(AS in Human Services) All my girls have degrees or getting degrees. Our group is a bunch of young, smart, black women who have things going for themselves. Go Us, Go Us!!!!

Love: I don't know about the love life. This shit blows, but I love the single life. I don't have any attachments, no drama, and no one checking for me all the damn time. I love being "free" *smh* I was supposed to be chillin with someone special, but I can never get in touch with him cause of me being busy and shit like that. He is a potential, but the distance is killing me for real. I have to figure out what I want to do. Hey, I know I sound like a hypocrite, but, I tend to go topsy-turvy with relationships, but like I said, I am gunna let it come to me naturally. If it happens, it happens, if not, oh well.

I have to be out in a lil while and find out whats good.
ChocolateNJGirl Wishes Ya'll Love and Happiness

P.S. I have an interesting question to ask ya'll in my next entry. It'll be controversial, but oh well

Guess What. I Have A New RadioBlog...::My Personal Radio::.

Aint No Feeling Like Being Free

2005-02-12T16:01:00.000-05:00

New Song:I found me a new theme song.. "Free" by Destiny's Child. I don't like them too tough, but they did mature over the years. Their writing style, even though Beyonce mainly written the songs, but I am digging this song. Ladies and gents, listen to the lyrics. They are speaking the truth. Aint No Feeling Like Being Free.

The Blob: Second day of having this shit. This put a BIG damper on my weekend, but oh well, at least I am not a babymama or a pending one.... *smh* I can't wait till I get off this shit.

It's Official: I am addicted to this site. I am convinced. This is better than LJ. I have been reading and commenting on random blogs and all I have to say I was laughing my ass off. Thats what you call "Freedom of Speech" I am in several blogrings, and I was reading some of the comments in here... they're funny as hell too. I am thinking about making a blogring of my own featuring "Jersey Bloggers" That may be a hotttt thing. Anyways, I'll let you know when I have composed it.

St Valentines Day: To me, its just another day to me. Besides I have class that night anyways, so I won't be celebrating Lover's Day. Even though I have been asked plenty of times. There is one Valentines Day that I will never forget. In high school, this Haitian dude gave me a big ass display with chocolate candy and a stuffed animal(i am a sucka for them) He hooked me up and I gotten more shit that day from some of everybody. Let me find out I was loved that whole day.

Miscellaneous: I have to study for the rest of the night. I might give my homeboy, Alley Mo a call. I miss his cool behind. Ever since he moved to Piscataway, I don't even see him as much, but oh well. I have to give him a call later on. Ima let ya'll have the blog and keep it nice with the comments

PMS

2005-02-11T20:32:00.000-05:00

Man oh man.... I had plans on straight wilding out this weekend, but all that shit went to a halt this afternoon... I got my "dreaded monthly".. aint that a bitch.... I am mad, but oh well, at least I aint a babymama... no disrespect, cause I know quite a few of them.. even had to smack up one when I was 18. Ay yo, I had good reason. My first love was dealing with this broad while still dealing with me and she tried to get fly when I stepped to her. So I did what I had to do!!! lol... you like my buttons on the sidebar??? I kinda like em too. As we speak, I am trying to make one for my BlackPlanet page. I may go back and get my certificate in web design, just in case my current major in Human Services falls through. That'll be wassup for reals. You never know

Speaking of majors, I now know why I decided to change my previous major from Communications to Human Services. Last night when I was looking at information for my end of semester research project, all the things I have gone through slapped me in the face. Now, at the age of 23, I 'm just realizing why I am here. I am here for a purpose. I dont know exactly what it is, but it is going to come to me when I least expect it. When I was 12 years old, I was going through a helluva lot, I would not rather say what it is, it is too painful to talk about on air (look on the side and find my yahoo or aim s/n and I will tell you privately) and it affected me so bad in a way. After that moment, I told myself and the few friends I had, I wanted to become a "social worker" I should have followed my footsteps from the beginning. Like the cliche says, "what don't kill you, make you stronger" If I didn't fuck up back then, letting this asshole I called my first love stress me out, I would have gotten my BA and more than likely, working towards my MA. Thats okay. I am making it up to myself now and shit'll be done before I know it.

The love life is going so so, I guess. I was thinking about Brion after the weekend(see "damn, damn, damn") Only 3 people got me like that. *smh* Let me find out, let me find out. I think that its time for me to get out of the game and be on chill mode for a while. However, there is one thing that is stopping me... I am scared of me getting hurt once again. Once is too many times to be hurt, especially when it was your first love... Ladies and gents, you know what I am talking about. I really don't go out here in the world and look for a man. I let things come naturally; if it happens it does, and if it doesn't oh friggin well. Why my ex, CP had the nerve to write me talking about he wants to handle my handle on Valentines Day... This prick got a girl... matter of fact a fiancee/live-in girlfriend. Aint that some bullshit! They got back together after we broke up in 2002. I was moving away and I personally DO NOT deal with long distance relationships. Not my style. I found this shit massviely funny. If I can find the email, I would blast his ass, but I am better than that. I know I am sounding really petty, like I want him & what not, but it is not like that at all. Matter of fact, I know this chick that I am sorta like crushing on a tad bit. We both already made the move.. but I may give her a call just to say hello and ask her where's my Valentines present, just to be funny. *smh* I got my period and I have to do what a woman does when she gets her "slobbery friend"
ChocolateNJGirl Is Feeling Quite "Squishy"
P.S. In case you haven't noticed, my hormones are massively out of wack.

Damn, Damn, Damn

2005-02-08T15:13:00.000-05:00

I had fun in AC(Atlantic City) this weekend. Finally, me and Brion got a chance to get away from all this stress. What we did???? What didnt we do... We took a long ass trip down there, but we had fun while we was taking that long trip. We talked and listened to some music, you know, road trip shit. Stopped at Perkin's Restaurant in Toms River, bugged out and acting silly as all hell. We gets down there by 11 something at night, checked into the Comfort Inn, along the AC skyline. It was a beautiful sight. I haven't been to AC in so long, I forgot how beautiful it looked at night. We took a nap and all that good stuff, so basically, we messed around a lil bit, then we went to sleep. The next day, we woke up and went to the Hard Rock Cafe.... ay yo, their food was on point.. I recommend that ya'll go to the Hard Rock Cafe in Atlantic City on the Boardwalk and get these drinks called B-52 and the Bubblegum drinks. Them shits was slamming. Damn, I left my cup with Brion. I have to IM him and tell this fool to bring my cup when he comes and gets me this weekend. No we are not a couple, we're still friends; even though something went down, but I cant say what it was... know that it was a good thing. I dont know if we'll look at each other the same after what happened... only time will tell.

Back to reality....
I hate looking for a job. This shit is time comsuning. I am ready to pull a Jeff move(thats my homie that lives in Brooklyn. He is about to move to Philly in a couple of weeks) I am tired of this looking shit. I am about ready to give up. Thanks, President Bush for making the job market scarce as all hell. College students like myself are struggling just to find work and it is hard enough that we are bombarded with full-time classes and to look for a job is making shit more confusing than ever. I am so ready to give up this shit, but I have to do what I have to do to make sure I am taken care of. As we speak, I am ready to drop all my classes and say "FUCK THIS SHIT" but I know I can't do that. I am in step with all my classes and doing good and I dont want to fuck it up. I gotta prove to these assholes in my house that I am better than them, but it is hard as hell when they try to bring you down to their level and thats my own family and all... I am tired of typing and I have to go study for comp 2...

The ChocolateNJGirl Is Gonnnneeee

What A Night

2005-02-04T18:35:00.000-05:00

I had a rough night last night. It's official, I am completely tired of my family's bullshit... Me and moms was about to have it out again. This bum bitch(I know I am wrong for saying that, but thats how I feel and I am grown, so I get to say and do what I want)got the nerve to give me the money to help pay for the Cablevision bill and then decides that she wants the money back. I told her "no, cause I have to pay the bill" So she tried to rag me up then I snatched her off of me. She tried to go outside and pick up something to hit me with.. I was like "do something" with my hands up in the air in the middle of the street. I don't give a fuck who she is to me, if you disrespect me, I am gunna do the same thing to you. I don't give a rats ass. As soon as I get my tax refund, I am gunna get me an apartment.... cause if I stay there any l0nger, I am gunna either have an assault charge or a murder charge. The reason why I said that is because I hate being provoked and thats just what the fuck she was doing last night. A couple of months ago, we got into it and it got real physical, again, I was provoked. Shit happens. Everyone that knows me knows that I have a mean ass temper and I am a typical Scorpio... I don't attack unless provoked and thats what it was that time and this time. My long time homegirl, Tiff was right when was she was like "I know how you and your mother are, get an apartment and get away from her before you do something you are gunna regret" I am utterly tired of this shit and my sister is not making this shit no better. Thats why I am never home.... but when I get my own shit, it's a wrizzle.

I have to get some food... so I am about to be out. I have to call Brion to find out if we are still going to AC tonight or this weekend... I need to win some loot and lots of it.

The ChocolateNJGirl Is Gone

Aint That The Bullshit????

2005-02-02T20:26:00.000-05:00

I am so burned the hell out. I can literally kill myself. I am literally a my last wits end. I am so damn stressed out, it's a pure shame. Today, I had to get up at 6 something and then I fucks around and oversleeps until 10 something.... WTF, I jumped up like my ass was on fire. (lol) Had to get dressed, and pick up this money. These assholes at the IRS branch office had me waiting all fucking day for what? Just to ask a question about some damn money.... Fucking no good receptionist. I think she was mad at me cause I was pressed for time and I had shit to do, so I kept pestering this bum bitch to hurry the hell up. She kept cutting me off to help this other bitch, a Spanish bitch at that(I Love My Spanish People, Don't Get It Fucked Up) I know she was hating that shit for reals... Oh well, you ugly bitch!!!! Do your goddamn job right!!!!! I left there, got a bite to eat from this Colombian spot in Paterson... That arroz con pollo was hitting for reals. I had to go to The Sprint Store to pay a portion of my bill. How negroidian is this?.... I have service, but no physical phone. Aint that the bullshit, fellow Bloggers? Well, thats what happened when you get into a fight and fuck up you valuable phone... Then NJ Transit... I hate them sons of bitches and they have the nerve to try and raise the fare.... aint that the bullshit????? I tried to make it to the Riverside Square Mall to go the this open house for a job at Saks Fifth Avenue. But I couldn't do it... it was a bit much taking all this shit in one day. To top it off, I didnt even go to class tonight and thats a first. I always go to class, but errands got me tired as all hell. Aint that the bullshit???? Lastly, I tried to find an outfit to wear to the interview I have tomorrow afternoon at this rental management company as a receptionist to the boss, which happens to be a female.... yay for me. I scored, dude!!! But there's always a downside... I couldnt find a thing in the Old Navy store (www.oldnavy.com)

I gotta do this shit all over again tomorrow. I have to be up in the morning, to do laundry for the weekend. I am planning to go to AC with my peoples, Brion this weekend and what not... I am
talking to him via AIM as I am composing this.... then, I have to go food shopping for these greedy ass mutherfuckers in my house..... assholes... aint that the bullshit???? Then go to Leonia, which is right outside of Englewood, NJ and I dont mean Killa Kali.... for the job interview.. Bloggers, pray that I get this job... I need this shit expeditiously.

I Needs To Get Away..... Vacation I Say...
Chocolate Jersey Girl Signing Out

Today Was Productive

2005-02-01T22:52:00.000-05:00

This is my first time on blogger, so hopefully this will be better than http://www.livejournal.com Don't get me wrong, LJ was the shit, but I don't know how I came across this site. So this better be worth my membership, even though it was free(and free is my best friend)and all. Let me take a look around and see what this is all about.

All and all, I had a productive day in class.... Now I got the idea where I came across this site. I am doing a research paper for Eng Comp 2 about people living on the "down low", especially minorities. Hopefully, I can get this A on this paper and up my GPA.

Looking for a job expeditiously. I needs one bad. I have to get my own place before the summer comes. I may wanna explore the world a bit, even though I have done my traveling in my life. I have been to Chi-Town as a kid, been to Durham, NC for the summer, lived in Va last year with a friend, been upstate NY that my old job in NYC decided to do for Xmas 00, shit, I have been to a lot of places. I would love to go out of the country, like Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, Jamaica and the whole West Indies, Trinidad and Tobago, or maybe even Cancun.

Lile I said before, let me look around a lil bit so I can get the feel of this fairly new website or blogsite.

One...
The ChocolateNJGirl